Feeling Fragile

I had somewhat of a mental breakdown last night. Nothing severe... just admitting to myself and to Rob that I'm doing too much and I'm wearing myself too thin. What can give though? That's a good question! I'm having a tough time getting back to sleep after the kids come at 4 in the morning, so I'm going to try to work it out so that Monday can be my last day for a while. As it stands right now I have to get up at 6:50 to get the first one up and off to school, so I really am not getting a whole lot of sleep between 4 and 7--making for a really tired me.

Leeann is getting to be such a big girl and she's so curious and adventurous, it's getting really hard to keep up with her. She's at the point where she's verbalizing so much more than even a week ago. She could always point to all of her body parts after I said them, but last night she just told me what they all were! Which also means she's telling me what she wants to eat, which clothes or shoes she wants to wear, I don't want a nap, I want a bath etc. I just have to do a little more running around than usual to appease the choices she's making (I'm glad she's making them though, it shows she's getting big!) It scares me however, because even right now it hurts to snuggle with her and to play with her because she doesn't realize that there are now boundaries on what she can and cannot do with mommy, how much she can climb on me and such. It's hard for me to get to see others pick her up, hold her, spin her around, & snuggle with her. Those are all things I should be able to do, but I can't right now. I can imagine that it's going to be really hard after the baby comes because not only will she feel somewhat abandoned by this little guy demanding all of my attention, but I will be able to do even less with her for a few weeks until I heal from my surgery. I know she will still be taken care of... but it's hard to not be the one to do that for her!

At this point, I just feel like I need a day off. One whole day, all to myself! Then again, all I would probably do is chores and such. Although, when I'm by myself it allows me to get them done in approximately 1/4 of the time that it takes with Leeann around. I really can't imagine how I'll get anything done with 2 little ones, two sets of feedings, bathing, napping, diapers. Obviously others before me have done it and survived, and I know I will too. It's just overwhelming to think about how much life is going to change and how much left there is to do before Baby comes. I'm making progress though, slowly crossing stuff off of my 'to do before baby comes' list. With that, I'm going to go find something constructive to do with the few minutes I have before Leeann wakes up and my day officially begins. I hope yours is wonderful!