As a parent I try really hard to be consistent. If there's a rule, it needs to be followed 100% of the time, or else the rule holds no value. If my kids are allowed to jump on the couches sometimes, but not all of the time... the rule is of no use, my kids will continue to jump on the couch. Especially at this age where the world is so black and white to them (come on, do you really agree with those who say you can reason with a 2 year old?) rules need to be black and white and so do their consequences.
Like for us, running out (or even stepping out) into the street without holding mommy and daddy's hand equals (dare I write this for the world to see... gulp...) a swat. 100% of the time you will find this to be the case. This is a significant safety issue, and I'd much rather them learn this lesson with a swat than with a car! And, the reality is, Leeann learned this lesson after only 2 or 3 times and even Titus, at 22 months old (though he had a few more 'reminders' if I remember right) knows that he's not to step into the street.
Anyway, we have lots of variations of that around our house. The breaking of some rules equals time-out, some equal swats, some mean that you need to apologize to whoever you offended. Sometimes you have to back and try it again until you do it the right way, and sometimes you need to fix whatever you broke, tore apart, took from it's proper location in the house etc.
The hard part is the 100% of the time business. If they learn that they can get away with something while I'm on the phone for instance, they will try this. At church, Leeann sometimes things the rules no longer apply and so she retests the boundaries. When we have company over somehow they automatically want to see if the rules have changed.
So, in order to get them not to take advantage of the above mentioned scenarios, the rules and consequences still need to be the same. They may be modified (like taking them aside or into another room to administer whatever the consequence might be), but they must never be changed.
Before you critique our parenting too much, do I succeed 100% of the time? Of course not. Do I strive for it? Yes, because I think it's that important. I can see the behavior of my children quickly diminish when I put my guard down and selectively enforce or ignore the rules. Please don't spend the next 10 years of your life watching me waiting for me to mess up. If you really want to find this to be the case, come over to my house for the afternoon and I'm sure you'll find something to satisfy that need!
Anyway, all this to preface the title of my post. My children are manipulative! They learn so incredibly early what mommy's weak spots are. Today, I was mopping the floor. It was slick and Titus was wanting to come into the kitchen. I told him "No, no Titus, you need to stay out there or you will get an owie." as I replayed in my mind Titus running across my freshly mopped floor a few months ago to land smack on his backside in tears!
So Titus slowly backed out (obviously he understood the instructions) then he kind of looked up at me, tilted his head and pursed his lips for a kiss... then he came running across the floor to me! He didn't want to disobey me, he just wanted a kiss right? Oh, how sweet!
Wrong! He knew that it was the one thing that would melt my heart enough to let him get away with disobeying me. See, pure and utter manipulation from a 22 month old! Just to let you know, I made him obey first then just outside the kitchen we had a kissy-fest!
Leeann is famous for doing this while we have 'the talk' after a time-out. I will be explaining to her why she's in trouble, or I will be listening to her explain to me why she's in trouble and she'll just look at me, burst into tears and say, "Mommy, I just want to give you a hug!" Arggg. How do you deal with that? Again, we finish our conversation and then have a hug-fest... but it's so hard to stay strong in those moments!
Bottom line--being a mommy is tough work, but it's oh-so rewarding! Watching my kids daily grow into happy, healthy, snuggly (see I'm a sucker!) little people makes every inconvenient reminder of the rules worth while. I love my kiddos, and I happen to think they're the greatest most special and wonderful kiddos in the world... especially when they run to me with their arms wide open making the kissy-face, regardless of their disobedience!
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Oh my gosh, 100% of the time is soooo hard! Especially if you understand why they are doing it. Such as, when Elish is tired, he likes to rub my arm and suck his thumb. However, sometimes he pinches me, and that is not allowed. He is kind of a pincher, so we have to be really firm about this. But, when he pinches me when he is doing a self soothing thing, and I have to repremand him, it breaks my heart! Being a Mommy is soooo hard!!
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