Forever a part of my world...

I got some devastating news last night. I went to get an eye exam last night and I decided that I, once and for all, was going to get contacts. I've tried them a couple of times before and could never manage to wear them for more than 3-4 hours before I got too irritated and had to remove them.

This time, however, I decided that I was going to persevere until I got the perfect fit and was able to wear them full time. This, of course, only until I become rich enough to get Lasik surgery. Glasses can be so obnoxious and cumbersome. I can't see a lick when I'm swimming, in the middle of the night (think alarm clock), or in the shower. Try reading the back of a shampoo bottle with eyes like mine! Anyway, contacts it is!

That is, until I got the news from my optometrist. Basically, I have 4 different problems with my eyes that make it difficult for me to successfully wear contacts. After more than an hour, he was optimistic that we could make it work in spite of the first three problems. Right at the very end, however he found a mark on my eye (kind of like scar tissue) beneath my lower left eye lid. It was probably from an old injury of some sort. The mark is right where the bulk of my contact would sit since contacts for astigmatism are bent. And, the weightiest part would be right at the bottom of my eye--where the injury is. My past irritations with contacts have been a result of this problem (and partially because of the other 3 problems also), and this problem will never correct itself. Never. If I decided to wear contacts in spite of this problem (and discomfort) I would potentially cause further damage to my eye. There's always surgery right?

Nope. Because of one of my other problems (my astigmatism is inside my eye, not on the surface of my lens like most people), the only kind of surgery that would work for me is a surgery like what they do to fix cataracts. Bottom line--very expensive.

It was all I could do not to cry as I walked away from the store. I've never had a super self-esteem problem, but I've always known I wasn't beauty queen material either. Of course, my glasses and perpetual acne don't do much to boost the self-esteem. So, to find out that I'll always have my glasses, and to be 25 with no sign of my teen-like acne going away gives me a bit of a complex. I can just imagine what I will look like with gray hair, wrinkles and acne and coke bottle glasses as I age. Not a pretty picture!

For whatever it's worth, as I was talking over the last couple of months about getting contacts Rob told me that he thought I should keep my glasses. "You look cute with glasses." he said. The first thing that popped into my mind when the doctor told me I couldn't have contacts was what my husband said. I'm so grateful for that. If he'd encouraged me to get contacts I think it would have scarred me for life. Instead, I can live life knowing that at least my husband thinks my glasses are cute!

To make things worse, Titus has an 87% chance of inheriting my astigmatism (not the injury preventing contact use though). Anyway, so it is, the story of my life...