I remember the days of 'cooking' with my best friend Angie in early elementary school. We would take all sorts of ingredients from our cupboards and mix them all together and taste them to see if we liked our creation. Every once in a blue-moon we'd make something we could at least choke down, but more often than not the dog wouldn't even go anywhere near our delicious food! (Come on, why not eat pickle-juice, flour, cumin, pepper and eggs? It looked good to us!)
Anyway, now that I'm older and so much wiser I understand how certain things work together to make food that is actually edible. When in doubt, there's this thing I like to call a recipe! Brilliant, I know... why didn't we think of that when we were 6?
My point? A gourmet meal rarely happens on accident, without a plan, the proper utensils and ingredients. It struck me today that good parenting doesn't usually happen on accident either. Funny, isn't it that we can be so meticulous about researching a car before we buy it, and painstakingly put care and attention into maintaining it properly--but more often than not we haphazardly raise our children and hope everything turns out okay?
We research homes and neighborhoods, schools and car seats. We put lots of attention into the perfect vacation and the precise coffee drinks. But, we trust that everything will just work together when it comes to our kids. Hmmm...
I'm theorizing that kid's rarely grow to their full potential without purposeful parenting (maybe you disagree and that's okay... but this is how I feel and well, this is my blog... :0). If this theory is true than doesn't it make sense that we should do things on purpose to grow them the way we believe they ought to be (good citizens, God fearing, honest, intelligent, hard-working etc.) We probably all differ on what we feel is most important for our kids, or what hills are worth dying on. But, whatever those things are it seems like we should parenting with a plan in place and a goal in mind.
SO, HERE'S THE DEAL. I'm going to post some questions over the next couple of days (assuming I get some response from my readers). To see what you think should/could/ought to be done to raise certain types of kids. You can disagree with my premise (say, that we should raise our kid's to be obedient), but make sure you give reasons as to why. I'm looking for some real life people to answer some of my questions about parenting. You may not be a parent yet, or children may have children, but I'd like to hear from anyone who's willing to comment!
Click on the comment button at the bottom of any post to pull up the comment screen and follow the directions. You're comment won't appear right away as I've had to put my comments on moderated status to filter some unwanted comments!
So, practical parenting question #1: Do you think it's important to filter what our kid's watch or listen to? If so, what filters do you put in place and how do you enforce them?
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6 comments:
I think so. A kid can't tell the diffrence between real and pretend. We actually don't have TV, and neither does the daycare I send him to, so it is really easy to make sure Elisha only watches things that I feel is appropriate for him. As far as listening to things goes, I'm not that concerned at this point, since I don't listen to anything I would be ashamed for my children to hear.
Great idea...I totally agree with your theory!!! As far as filtering what they watch and listen too, we totally do that. I have started to notice that Halle is repeating EVERYTHING she hears. We have to be so careful about what we talk about around her and as far as what she watches, it's mostly toddler shows on Treehouse (great preschool station in Canada) or DVD's with Christian themes. But I do realize that it's not always possible to filter everything, like when she's at other people's houses. That's why we try and parent in a way that even when she's not with us, she knows whats right and wrong. She's slowly catching on, then again, she just turned two!
Robyn,
I agree whole heartedly that we have to be purposeful parents. Kreg and I are just on the edge of getting started but with Aiden already approaching 1 year there is not a day that goes by where I should not be watching my actions, attitudes, or attributes. Yes it is very important to filter what our kid's watch and listen to. That's why we are already careful about what we have on tv, what we listen to, what we say to each other, etc....Aiden will never have a tv in his room like so many youngesters these days. And he will never have a computer in his room (atleast not until college). There will be one computer will all can see it and there will be a family tv but not in the family room (that's the goal in our future house). We want a "tv room" but the "family room" is for family. And we think it is very important for our kids to know why we do the things we do and when they ask mommy why don't we watch that show or why can't I listen to that music, scripture should be on my mind and heart ready to give the reason for the hope that I have. (I Peter 3:15). We are working hard on memorizing verses so Aiden will know we are serious about our Faith and will know why we live for God. It's not the sunday school tearcher's job, the preachers job, or the babysitters job to teach the kid but the parents...thats why so few kids return to church once they leave home. They never actually saw it lived out. When I read your blog I had to comment. I wish I had time to say more but Aiden just woke up from his nap. Thanks for your thoughts.
Stacey Salsbery
As the mother of very young children (3 and 1) I think it's vital to filter what they watch and listen to, to make sure they are only exposed to things that are appropriate to their level of understanding. Throughout most of childhood I think it's important to allow them access to good books, movies and music: things that will inspire, educate and entertain them.
From my limited perspective as someone who has never had a teenager, I think however that many Christian parents err on the side of legalism when it comes to the limits they place on older kids. I'm thinking more of books or music here than movies--no one, kid or adult, needs to be watching raunchy movies with a lot of sexual content. But if teens, for instance, are only allowed to read "Christian" books, and are never exposed to challenging ideas or other beliefs, they're going to be in for a shock the first time they get into a philosophical discussion with a college roommate or a co-worker.
I think it could be really valuable to read books from varying viewpoints together with your teen, and discuss how it meshes with your own values and where it doesn't.
To be rational, wise adults, kids need experience in critical thinking and evaluation. I think it would be much better for them to go through that process at home, where they can have discussions with a parent, than on their own after they've already left home and are shaken by some new friendship, book, or experience.
There's my long-winded two cents!
i let my kids watch whatever they want...especially when their mom is not around...
I agree it is important to filter what our kids watch. Enforcement was not always easy for me as my husband did not have the same mindset as I did and he allowed them to see some stuff I didn't think was particularly good for them.
For the younger set, they should be watching edifying stuff. I think that parents should watch before their kids do to make sure it is really appropriate for them. Just because it says "Disney" or "PBS" or "educational" does not mean it's good for kids.
Jen's "long-winded two cents" was right on the money. As kids get older, we cannot allow ourselves to fall into legalism. I think a lot of Christian parents fall into that trap out of fear; either they don't really have a good theological foundation (cannot give good reasons for the "hope that is in them") or they fear the world will ruin their kids. Legalism breeds rebellion.
Watching, reading, then discussing with teens is a good approach. Yes, it is time-consuming. But it is worth it. And it's our job.
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